Lady In Waiting

Beautiful
gifted
daydreamer

Wishing
on stars
like a child

Twirling
in circles
like the little girl
she used to be

Hoping
for her prince to come
and save her
from her lonely prison

Eyes
gaze beyond the world she knows
wondering
if she'll ever find true love

Time
freezes in the four walls
that surround her
flowers and butterflies
dance in her mind
sweet dreams to her they call

Once upon a time...
her tears were the cold and bitter rain
she waited for sunshine to come
hoping that her pain soon would end

                          -Shelby R.

A Desperate Prayer

Lord, I know that I sin
I ask that you forgive me
even if I make the same mistakes again
I know I am anything but perfect
I ask that you understand

I am weak in belief
I am hopless as well
with faith just as small
and feel easily in defeat

I am insecure
and uncertain
wondering if someday I will find me
the fact I am ignorant of such a thing
seems like a burden my heart certainly feels

It's a heavy and a painful bearing
one of which I can't seem to be rid of
I wait for the light to consume the darkness
so that I can find my way through this

I wonder if you're here
if you can see me through
if I can reach out to you
would you hold onto me so that I wouldn't fall?

I'm afraid to take a step
as if the ground would crumble underneath me
I fear being lost
and never being found
that if I ask for help
no one  will hear a sound

Lord, if you do exsist
hear my prayer and answer it
please guide me through this endless journey
this shattered world of pain and doubt
I need you to help me believe like I once did
to have hope, wisdom, and strength

                   -Shelby R.

Triple Forward Helix Piercing

So this is a piercing I would like to get. I first saw this piercing when my teacher showed it to me, because it was something she thought was really pretty. I would say that I have to agree.

Anyways, I don't know when, but at some point I plan to set up a time to get it done. My teacher wants to go with me to see me get it done, because she wants to know if it hurts or not(I think it's because she wants to get one done herself). I'm not sure how much it will cost, but I'll figure it out when I call the tattoo and piercing parlor to schedule it to get it done.

Well, there is nothing left to say. So...later everyone! :)

Wolf Tattoo

This is somewhat how I want a tattoo on my upper back. I'm not sure if I should get it, so I want some personal opinions.

A couple of the reasons why I want this tattoo are the following:

1.) I love wolves. They're  so beautiful, mysterious, and graceful. I can't help but to be drawn to them. Their eyes are what get me the most.

2.) Wolves are protective. Especially with their families. Sometimes they don't get along, but they somehow manage. I fell this is how I am with my family.
If you have any suggestions about it, please leave a comment. I'll be posting some other tattoo ideas later as well. Until then, Thanks for reading!

Jeffree Star

I don't listen to Jeffree Star, but I LOVE his hair and makeup. He actually has a very nice face, and I had NO idea that it was a guy until someone told me. Of course, I should have know that it was a guy by the name. However, girls do get guy names now and again.

Anyways, looking at his pictures inspire me to try things. Doing hair and makeup is so much fun for me, and I plan to go to college for it(but music is still my biggest passion). I honestly don't know how he does it. He's gorgeous! And he probably doesn't have to try much.

Well there's nothing else for me to say right now. Until my next post...Adios, amigos!

Cristmas Shopping For Khloe

Last night I went shopping with my sister, Sam, along with my brother inlaw and my grandmother, to get Christmas presants for Khloe. We bought her alot of Hello Kitty Clothes and accesories. There were probably only three things that were not. My sister, Jamie, Khloe's mom, said that she was really in to Hello Kitty and Care Bears(mostly Hello Kitty). We looked for anything that would have the color pinkle in it(what my niece calls pink and purple together). I had so much fun! I could have been there hours shopping for that kid. I really missed her.

My Niece, Khloe Marie

This is my niece, Khloe Marie. I finally got to see her last night after a couple to a few months of not seeing her. I missed and love her so much! Sometimes she's a total pain, but she can also be the sweetest little girl ever!

It's kind of sad that she's growing up. It's as if it were yesterday she was born, and now she's a three year old. I'm afraid to blink, because she might be grown up by the time I do. I'm very attached to this little girl. When She was gone, I had dreams of myself crying and trying to reach for her; and even if I touch her, it was like she also wasn't there.

Khloe was born September 3rd, 2008. I remember crying when I first saw her. My sister was a mommy, and I couldn't figure out how to respond. After the first time I held her, I wanted to be her favorite aunt. Of course, now and again, I get a little jealous if  I saw her wanting someone else instead of me. I remember that for awhile she would scream bloody murder when she saw me (it was a bit painful for me) and run the other direction. But, things got a whole lot better later on as she got older. I tell myself that it must have been a phase she went through.

Anyways, there really isn't much to say right now. Except that I LOVE MY NIECE SOOOO MUCH, AND THAT SHE'S THE CUTEST THING EVER!! I couldn't live without her! :)

Angel Of Deception

Anger pulsing through my veins
is this not good enough?
have to tear apart my sanity
not just my heart

Sorrow consumes
as you forget me
but breaking through
is my understanding of your blasphemy
you're not worth the time

Must not lose control
as you dance in circles
you think you can seduce me
but I know better now

Watch me walk
as you fall
I will not rescue you
watch you cry
hear you lie
but you DESERVE it all

Heartless and cold
it's all that I can see
you try to reach out
but you think that I can't read
your twisted thoughts
through your eyes
from your lips
your denial
but I've just had enough

HEY YOU
angel of deception
I say no more
games played to your satisfaction
your time is up
there's no redemption...

              -Shelby R.

True Best Friend

You're a wish I never thought I would have
a truth I have yet to believe that exists
now that you're here
let me tell you this:

You're always on my mind
you're a dream that never ends
you're there when I need you
my true best friend

You never let me go
no matter the mess we're in
I know you're what's best for me
you always understand

You hold my hand
even through our darkest times
I was lost but now I'm found
my bright and shining light

I realize that no matter what
near or far
you never leave me
you're like a shooting star...

You shine for me
and guide me through the night
a wish that came true
the first one I made right

I'll never let you go
for as long as I live
in heaven or on earth
you'll always be
my true best friend.
                            
                   -Shelby R.

Desperate Men

Desperate men
daggers pierce the flesh of sworn enemies
oaths to fight
but with a cause laced in blood thirst

Hungering to quench it
ignorant of what was really meant among men

Apathetic to one other's suffering
once they slay too many of there own
used to feel anguish deep within
when death brought by one's own hand

Following command
but do they listen to their hearts?
once innocent of a bloody battle

Brainwashed to bid another's doing
drowning in their sorrow
unable to ease painful memories

Lightning blinding and thunder deafens
they cannot forget what they have done
they pray and do not rest
nightmares consume...

These desperate men.

                            -Shelby R.

Love

Silent wishes

on skin fair

dancing lashes

flowers in hair

Fingers laced with one's love

butterflies flutter

kisses gentle in night's glow

Warm embraces

soft sighs and songs

shy smiles 

and eyes so bright

A bouquet of love

brought to heart's doorstep

       -Shelby R.

"If I Die Young" By The Band Perry

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand,
There's a boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

Hoping For The Best

Music is my biggest passion in life. I'm waiting for my check to come so I can put some money aside for creating a demo and whatever else may require payment. Robbie, a man that my family knows, owns a studio and works with musicians, will try to determine on what type of band would be suitable for me.

Besides that, I watched a video last night that shows me some breathing techniques, proper support, and so on. It was a little weird, but I figure that there could be weirder. To be honest, it actually made me realize some of the mistakes I make when I sing. I'm actually really excited and can't wait to experiment what I've learned in the movie. Anyways, when the time comes and things are finally set in motion, I'll be blogging about the journey I'll be taking in music.

The Dissension

She don't know where she's going

afraid to lose control on this road

feeling alone and tears fall like rain

hurting so much unsure where to turn

Feels like she's losing her mind

wondering where time went 

feels hopeless and insecure

the world around her loud and still a haze

blinding her eyes 

no longer can tell truth from lies

The fog is so thick

darkness surrounds her

she's holding on tight and scared for her life

falling through quicksand

she tries to cry out but afraid to reach out

She wants to to believe 

holds onto faith

gets up again
stares conformity in the face

finally she understands....

It's never the end

there will always be a battle

at the end of every storm there are colors

her faith is still strong

knows now where she belongs

The world no longer as heavy on her shoulders

                           -Shelby R.

My Dog Sherlock

I love my dog. As clueless and hyper she is, she's my big baby, and I wouldn't give her up for anything. She always keeps me warm on a cold night. I could squeeze her like a teddy bear, and she wouldn't mind. I could lay on her like a pillow, and she would just lay there.

 It's amazing how not matter how mad I get at her, She loves me just as much as before. I love it that when I get home from school, or anywhere I had been, she would act as if she hadn't seen me for years. I also like it when she cuddles in my lap and licks my face. I never taught her  to not lick my face, because I don't know when one day it might be her last. It's not like she'll be a puppy forever.

Anyways, her birthday's coming soon. December 20th, she will turn three. I'm excited, but sad at the same time. It feels like I just got her yesterday (she was only a couple months when I got her). Well, I can't think of anymore to write. Later everyone!

Paying It Forward

Do you ever notice that when most people do things, they only do it because they're getting something out of it? What happened to doing something for someone because it was a kind thing to do? What happened to selflessness and compassion these days? Say you saw a man who is sitting under a bridge with only a torn, thin jacket, and old worn out shoes to keep him warm. You notice he has nothing to eat. What would you do? Would you just walk away? Or, would you walk over and give him your jacket and offer to buy him something to eat?

What people don't realize is that when you do even the smallest thing to help someone, it can make a big difference. Not only that, but can mean the world to somebody. It could even change their life. Don't just do something because it will benefit you. Do something, because you know it's the right thing to do. "Love is our weapon". It is the one thing that can destroy selfishness and overcome hate. Should anyone do a kind act for you, don't only turn around and pay it back, find someone else, and show a bit of kindness to them as well. When you read  this entry, send the same message that I send to you: "Pay it forward".

A Small Portion Of My Thoughts On The World

People make me really mad sometimes. It's frustrating When I'm talking with them, or just all together around them. I easily get annoyed at how the world is, and how nowadays they have no morals or values (mostly, that is). The young are corrupt, violent, and running wild, while the rest of the people just stand by like there's nothing wrong with it (or they don't have the guts to say it's wrong). Of course, there are some people that try to stand up to it, but the number of them are few. Still, I refuse to go down without a fight, because others want to attack me for what I believe.

 But, like my mother, I'm a stubborn, tenacious person. I never back down when someone wants to criticize my beliefs and tell me I'm wrong and that they are right. However, I make sure that I  hold my tongue when it is necessary. It's a tough circumstance to handle, considering I do have a big mouth, but I manage (most of the time). Anyways, to conclude one of my many endless thoughts, I will say that this is only a brief entry. I'm to irritated to actually finish what seems to go on forever; even if I should ever be in a better mood. It's mind consuming. Sometimes there are no exact words that could explain how I feel about the situation. Until my next entry, farewell to all readers.

"temporary Home" By Carrie Underwood

   [verse 1]
A little boy, six years old
A little too used to being alone
Another new mom and dad
Another school, another house that will never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face
   [chorus]
This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is my temporary home
  [verse 2]
Young mom, on her own
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go
She's looking for a job, looking for a way out
'Cause a halfway house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world"
  [chorus]
This is our temporary home, it's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is our temporary home
   [verse 3]
Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers
"Don't cry for me, I'll see you all someday"
He looks up and says
"I can see God's face"
  [chorus]
This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This was my temporary home

This is our temporary home

"So Small" By Carrie Underwood

   [verse 1]
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

  [Chorus]
'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

  [Verse 2]
It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

  [Chorus]
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Just Me

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is look in the mirror. As I stare through the glass at my own reflection, I begin to wonder, "Who am I?" The thought welcomes more questions to slither into mind, such as:

What is it that people see in me?

What happened to the little girl I used to be?

Why did I allow myself to fall and let the world consume me?

 I try to dismiss any more that may come, but they manage to sneak by without me realizing until I hear its familiar whisper...

Am I someone they see as me, and not understand that I might be a fake? 

Do they not see that it is a mask that covers my true identity?

 I feel as if that mask was put put on with super glue. I want to take it off, but it wont budge. I walk blind. What is different with this mask, is that it is invisible. It, unlike most masks, has no eyes for you to see where you are going. All you know is that is not of you, and was never to be part of you. However, you don't really think about this until you have already made the choice, and are paying the consequences. It is hard trying  not to fit in.

My mom tells me, "imagine yourself as a square while the earth is a circle. You can try to fit the square in the circle, but it does not fit, because it wasn't meant to. From experience, I will say that everyone should just be themselves, and not what they think they ought to be, or what the world thinks they should be. Don't make the mistake I made When I put on the mask that had blinded me from the path I was supposed to take. We were all meant to be different. In this life, each choice is a pathway that leads us one step closer to our destination. By following the world instead of our hearts, it leads us astray. We have to ignore these urges and find our way back to where we are meant to be, and continue the journey through life. We all make mistakes, and we must learn from them. I know I have, and I refuse to let the world get to me like I have before. I just Want to be myself. I'd rather someone "love me for who I am than someone love me for who I'm not."

The Heart Story (a small version of the tale I wish to tell about my childhood)

      I don't remember much of when I was a little girl, but I remember how I had friends that died fighting for their lives, while I survived. I think about it every day, wondering, "Why did they have to die? Why is it that I'm still here, when they fought just as much as I did to live?" I could never see it as fair. They deserved to live.

      Although my memory is somewhat murky, I remember sitting in the craft room, a girl was sitting next to me; she was wearing a denim hat with bright flowers embroidered in, and a baby pink shirt that was slightly baggy on her tiny frame. Her hair was mostly missing, her body thin, pale, and fragile from a chemical treatment she had been receiving: she had cancer. of course I did not know this until I had spoken to her. I felt empathy and curiosity for the girl. I knew she had to be in pain. Her blue eyes were weary, revealing that she had been fighting a rough battle (one no child should ever go through).

      To resume, I have had many friends that have "fought the good fight." Some in need of transplants, had cancer, mystery illnesses, and so forth. My mother would tell me, and still tells me to this day, stories of the things that have happened in the past. Stories such as how a girl I was friends with, died before Christmas. Her parents, for some reason, decided they would give me all the gifts she was to receive. Thinking about this, it saddens me that her parents could not have her home for Christmas. She was just a little girl, and it wasn't fair that they did not have her long (No parent should ever have to go through this sort of tragedy). However, it is my belief that she is in a good place; a place where there is no such thing as pain, where there is happiness, and peace. There was also a little boy, who I was also friends with, that had died at a very young age as well. My mother would tell me that he would give a stuffed pooh bear to the best of his friends (whom he thought were his true friends). His parents searched for two years to give me this stuffed bear, which hurts me in the heart whenever I think about it. This boy fought like me, but he did not leave the battle field like I have. But like the little girl, he is in a better place.

      Never the less, I will say he did not go without recognition of his strength and courage. In fact, none of them have, including the mothers and fathers of  those "brave warriors." They fought just as hard for their children's lives. I will admit with greif, I can be too proud and ignorant at times, but when I look back at the things that have happened in my young life, it humbles me. I was there once; it is part of who I am. And although I don't remember much of those days, if I could, I would go back and wrap my arms around them one last time. For deep down inside I know that they were not just any children that have existed in this world. They were children that were just like me: they were fighters.

                                                                                      -Shelby R. 

Death Be Not Proud

Death be not proud, though some hav.e called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for though art not so:
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death; not yet canst thou kill me.
From Rest and Sleep, which but thy picture be,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow;
And soonest our best men with thee do go--
Rest of their bones and souls' delivery!
Thou'rt slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep well
And better than thy stroke. Why swell'st then?
           One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
           And Death shall be no more: Death, thou shalt die!

                                                                      -John Donne